Toddler Tuesday – Going Home

Well I’m on my way back from my East Coast, currently somewhere over NB via Porter. As I write this, I am reflecting on my journey and thinking of my family. I met so many nice people; journalists, TV anchors, venue owners, as well as catchinimageg up with old friends. Each city left me with the same feelings; excited to play, nervous, and in the end happy to connect my music with new people. When each night came to a close, long after the crowds went home, I would finished my last check of social media, look over my itinerary, but most importantly, I finally had time to say goodnight to my loved ones.

On my way home on the plane, I am gripped with such feelings of longing, and love at the thought of seeing them when I land. I wonder what they are doing? How their day went? What Maggie Mae will eat for breakfast? Even what crazy sentence she will start her day with!!! These are exciting times for me to be sure. My new album, a great team in my corner and an amazing supportive family. Yet here I am both enthralled at the possibility of launching a record, and all the while wondering if it’s all worth it! Success at the cost of missing out on any of my family’s adventures is something I think of often. I am reminded of my childhood, how my father worked so hard, building a life for his 5 children where they would want for nothing, and need even less. But at what cost? I never saw him most days, he never attended my games, parent teacher interviews were always ‘Mom’ teacher interviews. I awoke most mornings to him gone in the mornings, and still away come dinner. Not that he didn’t do his best to be around or participate. He took us everywhere when he could, it’s just that it wasn’t as often as we all would have liked. He gave me the best of everything except time and maybe that’s why I act as I do in life. I know I should get home more- I know I miss my family everyday- yet I’m driven to succeed and build something for them.

I’m not sure where this record or the next one will take me, nor am I sure what if any success it will have, but I am driven to try. It is a passion that has been with me since childhood, one that was so strong, I ignored it for fear of failure. What do I do if I don’t succeed? Best to rest on my laurels, right? I know I’m talented. That’s good enough. Since 2006, I have put my money where my mouth was. I emerged myself in a career that has since flown me all over the world these past 10 years. I have run the gamut of venues, playing for Presidents, Hollywood elite, Miss Universe, right down to a single drunk named Ed at a local tavern. Each night the crowds differ but my passion does not. I am a songwriter, I am a singer. It is what I was born to do.

Here lies the rub…
I now find myself. with each achievement, with each new rung up the ladder, drifting further and further away from a loving family. This is now the cost of success. What once was the fear of failure, is now replaced with the fear of missing the moments in my daughters life; the time that I myself missed as a child.
Don’t worry friends or fans- I am not going anywhere. It is all I know. I just think about it now more than ever and with each flight, train, or car ride I miss my ‘home’ .
With that thought, I will leave you with this song I penned about this very subject. It embodies everything I feel, whenever I am away from those I love so much .
It’s simply titled Going Home… Enjoy!

 

 

Going Home-

 

I used to laugh at everyone
Who feels just like I do

I never missed a single one
My heart not built for two

But now I feel this pull
The only one I’ve ever known

If I could click my shoes
There’d be no place to go but you
I’m going home
I’m going home to you
I’m not alone
I’m not alone when I’m with you
Look at the scene that’s rolling by
The window in my view

I see the yards and passerby’s
With all my thoughts on you

And still I feel this pull
The only one I’ve ever known

If I could click my shoes
There’d be no place to go but you

I’m going home
I’m going home to you
I’m not alone
I’m not alone when I’m with you

I’m going home
I’m going home to you

I’m not alone
I’m not alone when I’m with you
Don’t you worry honey
I still feel the same

Time apart is only
Making me go insane

It’s all I can do to get by
My mind is always on you

Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Been on the road for 7 days
But feels like 21

Reflection back
Reveals my age hope I can go on

If I could click my shoes
There’d be no place to go but you

Even now I feel this pull
The only one I’ve ever known

Is going home
I’m going home to you
I’m not alone
I’m not alone when I’m with you

I’m going home
I’m going home to you

I’m not alone
I’m not alone when I’m with you